Letter to Robin Meade that showed up in the email of RobinMeadeBlog@gmail.com…

Dear Robin,

My name is _____ and I really enjoy your reporting.  I thought you might be a good person to turn to for advice since you seem very sensible and sophisticated.  It’s something that I thought a woman could best address but I didn’t want to ask my older sister, friends, etc. about it, since it’s rather embarrassing.  But, I know you’re a serious journalist and not a relationship advice columnist so I don’t want to insult your professionalism in any way.  If you have the time and the interest, I describe the incident below.  Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks in advance.

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at an art gallery opening a few weeks ago.  She was a high school teacher in her late 20’s  (I’m 24, so a little older than me).  She was very nice and really seemed to love teaching.  We had been talking for about a half hour and really developed a great rapport.  We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. There was a pause in the conversation and since she had classic curves, I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”.  I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended.  She said, “Excuse me?  Why are you talking about my figure?  You hardly know me.”  I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things as she rolled her eyes and shook her head.  She told me I was being “inappropriate” and that she was “very disappointed” and started to walk away….then she came back and with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.

As I stood there alone rubbing my cheek, I was trying to figure out why she was so upset.  Should I send her an apology note or do you think she wants no further contact?

Hee.

Fake Robin Meade answers…

Dear (____________)

1. I am very sensible and sophisticated.

I have a job that requires me to get up at 2:30 in the morning. Sensible? OTOH, I married a dude that runs a cell phone contracting company for the Atlanta area.

2. I am a serious journalist.

Yes, I “report” on medical maryjane and man comes back from the dead and mayor quits because of a MySpace and a couple that got into an argument that lead to a stabbing.

3. What makes you think I won’t give you relationship advice?

3. I just don’t understand women who have hourglass figures. I am totally puzzled why a woman you just met and tried to pick up would be offended when you said “Hey! You Got Nice Boobs! Just Like that Ruben’s dude paints, why don’t you come over and see my sketches?”

4. Yes, by all means, you should attempt to contact her by any way possible? Do you have her name? Friend her on Facebook. Get her phone number and text her often at all hours of the day and night. After all, it’s real love right? Call the gallery where you hit on her and see if they know her and find out where she works. Show up at her work with a massive vase of flowers and bottle of wine. Ask the security guard where she parks and go make an impression on her car.

Write me often and keep me posted on your attempt to find your one true love. I am a serious journalist after all and I would love to help you in hopes that I can perhaps make a TV special or write a country western song about your quest.