• “I realized the truth about myself. I just love power.”

• “Ban red meat! That cannot pass constitutional mustard.”

• “You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter lets him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says ‘Who’s that?’ St. Peter says, ‘Oh, that’s God. Thinks he’s Denny Crane.”

• “You Democrats! Protesting wars, banning guns! If you Nancys had your way nobody would ever shoot anybody. And then where would we be?”

• “The current president of the United States is George Walker Bush, son to George Herbert Walker Bush, whose father was the late United States Senator Prescott Bush, who, as an undergraduate at Yale, once wrestled my father in the nude. But that’s a story for another day. Let’s stick to the issues at hand.”

Denny Crane for President 2008

“America needs a decisive, aggressive, perhaps even slightly deranged, man of vision to straighten out Washington – not just another politician. We need a candidate who can enliven the electorate in 2008 with a serious non-partisan political agenda. Denny Crane loves women, whiskey and cigars. Denny Crane is annoyed by criminals and poor people. Isn’t Denny Crane right for you? Isn’t Denny Crane right for America???”