Never mind about teaching reading, writing and arithmetic, students today need to learn about “reduce, reuse and recycle.”

At least according the the greenies at a West Virginia Country Day School.

Country Day School, just reeks of bimmers and Gucci doesn’t it?

In a nutshell to learn about the new 3R’s the students:

• wore green American Eagle tees

On Friday, students — who were encouraged to wear the color green for the occasion.

I’m going with tee shirts, but they girls could have worn a cute little cami for $40.

• tore up old newspapers and soaked it and let it dry

In Carter’s class, students tore up used paper from the school by hand before blending it with water to make pulp. Students from all grade levels took turns scooping the mushy mix onto a screen, where it was flattened and spread out. A piece of felt went on top of the mix to help squeeze out excess water and pull the still-wet paper from the screen.

That’s it, just tore up some newspapers and made some grey glop and squeezed the water out. The teacher said it was so they could learn what a labor intensive process it is. Hello? Labor = Jobs. And correct me if I’m wrong, labor is a renewable resource. Except for the energy humans consume. Maybe the message was: don’t do manual labor, make sure you get a job as a hedge fund manager where you don’t have to worry about creating a product, you just shove money around.

• made a miniature landfill out of candy

Crushed graham crackers symbolized a layer of sand that was then topped with M&M candies, which served as the landfill trash. On top of that went ice cream to serve as the trash leakage, blocked in by half an Oreo cookie, or “clay.” Crushed Oreos stood as the dirt that would then be covered by a layer of plastic, or Fruit Roll-Up. A Twizzler candy stood as the landfill’s ventilation system.

Yum, a project I could lend great expertise too. Skip the Fruit Roll-up. I would go with a layer of Hershey’s candy bars. Country Day School stops selling bottled water but makes a model out of candy! I just hope it was a full scale model that the community could visit and EAT.

• stopped selling water in bottles
• started using reusable water bottles

they each shared ‘green’ ideas before receiving a special reusable Country Day School water bottle.

“I promise to eat more cow, because cow farts are killing the air.” “I promise not to eat cow, because cows have faces.” “I promise to face the gas pump when filling my bimmer.” “I promise I will text more saving the air from phone calls.” “I promise to eat more cow, because cow farts are killing the air.” (class clown) “I promise to reuse my condoms.”

• had a bake sale to support two acres of rain forest and one wolf

On Friday, students also held a bake sale, with profits going toward the school’s purchase of two acres of rainforest. The school also pays for the support of a wolf in the Midwest named “Spirit” through the Mission Wolf program.

Remember when Lenny on Laverne and Shirley wanted “Lone Wolf” on his jacket and it came out One Wolf? Shirley put her script L on it for him. … snaps out of it…

• will compost garbage

and for Earth Day in April, the school hopes to purchase large trash containers that can be turned into outdoor compost bins for leftover food.

No doubt they will raise earthworms and package them to send to the West Virginia hills for fishin’. The only idea that has real merit. Of course the kids won’t touch the garbage as it is dumped into the compost, they won’t turn it, they won’t smell it. It will turn into a rancid mess and the local garbage truck will take it to the local landfill.

Man, kids at Country Day School have it rough. Carrying that burden for saving the earth. I thought we had peer pressure when I was in school. Then again, plastic wasn’t invented then, and our fast food came on dishes that were washed. Whew, I’m glad our future is in good hands (Allstate.)