Burger King is back with their midgets.  I guess the last time they used midgets was a few years back. They were construction workers.  Perhaps Burger King is trying to make a statement “in this economy”  which is my newest hate-phrase. Everybody is being downsized.

Anyway, the newest Burger King commercial shows a midget farmer.

There are no midget farmers.

I said that outloud and Nancy heard me.

Will you stop being so prejudiced?, she asked.

There are no midget farmers, I said again.

How do you know?

Because every man my age knows there. are. no. midget. farmers. This was before the internet, before Snopes.com. This was knowledge men learned.

Every man my age knows:

• There are no fat pole dancers. There are fat Pole dancers, but not at the Slippery Saddle.
• There are no blind jockeys.
• There is no such thing as bad barbeque.
• A gay opera lover will not know the name of any NASCAR driver.
• When dividing one polynomial by another polynomial, you must invert and… oh here, let Sandy explain:

I had forgotten that when you get ready to subtract, you MUST change the signs to the opposite. For instance, if my product (the answer to my multiplication portion) has + and/or – before any letter (with or without exponents), I need to change those signs when I go to subtract, i.e if my product was +7a5-6a2x, I need to change it to -7a5+6a2x and then subtract. Also worth noting are the basics: When multiplying a opposite signs, i.e +/- the product is negative, when multiplying two negatives; the product is a positive, when multiplying two positives; the product is positive. The same for rules apply for dividing. I had to also remember to SUBTRACT the exponents when dividing and ADD exponents when multiplying.

• There is no crying in baseball.
• You will die if you eat pop rocks and drink Coke.
• 14 babies is too many.
• There was a beer flood in London. People died.

Period. There are no midget farmers.