Soon the good citizens of Tulsa, Oklahoma will be digging up what is being labeled a time capsule. It’s actually one of the ugliest cars from the fifties: a 1957 Plymouth.

Thing is, they already know what they are digging up. It’s well documented. (thanks to mentalfloss.com) So what is the fun in that?

So in addition to burying a brand-new Plymouth, they also packed the car with a variety of advanced products and wares — including a case of Schlitz beer and the complete contents of a woman’s purse. This explains why, when today’s auto-archaeologists open the glove box of the buried Belvedere, inside they will find fourteen bobby pins, a ladies compact plastic rain cap, several combs, a tube of lipstick, a pack of gum, a wad of Kleenex, $2.73 in bills and coins, a pack of cigarettes with matches, an unpaid parking ticket, and a bottle of tranquilizers.

I think Redneck Diva has a car just like this up on blocks behind the shed.

There even exists the possibility that the car may not be there, having rusted away, despite being preserved by the best rust preventing gunk of the day.

Really, who gives a crap about a 1957 Plymouth full of typical junk?

If I was doing a time capsule today, I would want it to just freak people out. Therefore, here’s what would be in my time capsule to be opened in 2057.

First, it would have one of those explosive paint thingies that they use to mark bank robbers. Imagine the public officials gatherered around and whammo, blue paint all over everybody. Otherwise:

• iPod – with Barry Manilow singing “Mandy.” Not just once, but fill the whole dern thing with that one song. Just think, somebody would have to listen to the whole thousand hours just to make sure there wasn’t something really important there.
• Twinkie – but I would change the label to say, best if eaten by 2157. Or maybe, put a hazardous materials label on it.
• Cell phone – I don’t know why, I just think this would freak people out.
• Map of Area 51, with a big red X on it.
• A countdown timer counting down to a day in 2058.
• DVD – the first hour would be nothing, then like those freaky emails, a face would appear for a second and scream.
• Shroud with an imprint of my face.
• Printed lyrics to “Baby Got Back”
• A series of handwritten numbers that don’t mean squat.

Help me, what else would freak people out in the future. It can’t be larger than a breadbox (does anybody even have those anymore?)

UPDATE: Here’s what they found: