Go Away Little Bidet
Parisians are making a lifestyle choice to have dirty bung holes like the rest of us. Because space is at such a premium in Paris the Bidet is going away.
I never have used a bidet. But what is there not to like about washing your butt crack with warm water instead of scrubbing it with ground up rags and wood?
My little tribute song:
(Tune: Go Away Little Girl)
(video below if you want to sing along- ignore the little intro verse)
Please stay bidet
Please stay bidet
My rump desires to be cleansed by you
Oh yes, I long for your warm caress
Your whiteness I’ll never bless
It’s paper I’m required to use for my poo-oo
Please go away bidet
Go away bidet
I’m holding it for much longer decay
Too bad it didn’t work out
I can poop a brown trout
So go away bidet pal and enjoy your little soiree.
@Polly: whoa. You actually think about where you want the parody to go before you start to write?
BBBirdie: hee. long before video!
Somehow I’ll have to weave into the song-parody lyrics the notion that many French people who are still having fun romping in the hay (at whatever age, whatever hour of the day) think the bidet is irreplaceable — one can’t always take an apres-shower! Ergo bidets are not just for the gentle-ladies of Pigalle/St Denis.
Wish I’d seen Nancy in ‘Birdie.’ Video clips? Ooh -la-la!
@Polly: thanks, I was inspired by your headline. Bye Bye Birdie had some great songs. Nancy was in a community theater production of it.
I like the ballad idea. One Special Boy? One Special Bidet???
Fun!
What a hoot! I think you need to start posting spew warnings because your posts make me snort cafe au lait out my nose.
You’ve totally inspired me. I love “Go Away Little Bidet” and now I think I’ll do my own Bye-Bye Bidet version based on “See you in September”.
(The orginal idea of one based on “Byee Byee Bird-hee” was fun — but most of us only know the refrain.)
@Gretchen: share a parody or two. Ummmm, see the bidets I saw are the ones that give you a jet stream upwards while one was on the can. The picture looks like the footbath they are often mistaken for. So you crap, get up move to the bidet to clean up. No Thanks.
Hey, I didn’t know you were a songwriter. Ben and I do a lot of song parodies.
I have never quite understood the need for a bidet. To my understanding they were mostly used by prostitutes, who DO have a reason.
Gretchen’s last blog post..ABCs With Attitude.